Perfectionism

“I’m not even going to try to do [insert thing here] because I’m not good at it.”

“I can’t go to [insert thing here] because my [insert thing here] isn't exactly right.”  

“They did [insert thing here] so well, I might as well not even try.”

Do any of these quotes sound like that inner critic inside of your head? Maybe that voice is meaner and louder now than it ever has been. Maybe you’ve been trying to silence it for years, but it just keeps coming back and throwing new jabs. Perfectionism, my least favorite inner voice. Let’s talk about it.

We are plagued, from an early age, to strive for a measurable outcome that proves we did the very best possible. We are battery tested, with scores ranging from 0-100 that prove how adept we are at learning a specific topic. We are provided letters from U to E and colors from red to green that seem to put a bow on our ability to socialize and behave appropriately. From the very beginning, we are taught to work towards perfection. Those with the right scores and labels are praised. Others demanding a standard level of achievement, might lead us to having an impossible standard for ourselves. Because humans are the way that they are and the world works the way it does, this effort produces a couple different kinds of people. There are those who understand early that perfection isn’t achievable, but their best efforts are sufficient and there are people who took the early praise in stride and will work toward this endless goal of perfection for as long as they possibly can. This blog is for the latter. 

Let me go back to a specific wording, “will work toward this endless goal of perfection for as long as they possibly can.” Notice I didn’t say forever. Maintaining the endeavor for perfection is not sustainable. Simply put, it’s exhausting. Those who struggle with perfectionism might find themselves at a point where they don’t try at all because that’s easier than showing up and failing. There might be a part of us that is fearful of showing up in an area we need growth in because that shows that we don’t have it all together. Not having it all together as a perfectionist? Pshhhh…. Not possible. Let me let you in on a little secret, nobody has it all together. What would it look like to show up exactly as we are? Sometimes that means we still show up when we feel like we’re lacking. There is something vulnerable and beautiful about someone who says “I’m going to try this anyway” despite any fear or hesitation of not getting it just right.  

How do we manage perfectionism in therapy? We’re going to find the root of the need to be perfect and then we’re going to unlearn our need to earn our existence by having to get it right the first and every time. You have every right to show up exactly as you are, still with areas for growth. Our best is good enough and sometimes we can’t even show up with our best. Maybe next time we will or maybe we won’t and that’s okay, that’s humanity. We are going to learn to re-manage our expectations for ourselves and find rest in the stillness that doesn’t feel the need to strive for perfection. 

Here at Space City Counseling, I provide a space that allows you to show up and say, “this is all I have for today” and guess what? As your counselor, that’s enough for me. I want to work with you so that you can show up to your life authentically. Contact me today and let’s still that little voice in our head that says, “this needs to be better” or “this isn’t enough”.